Melancholy

I've been feeling very melancholic lately. A few weeks ago I was messing around youtube and it hit me that I'm content, I'm just not happy. Or at least happy like I was in, say, 1998. I remember a few years after that I literally packed the music away. At the time I needed the break and it was good to have peace and quiet. Ten years later though, it feels like I'm hollow inside.

Monday night I heard part of a Matthew Good Band tune on the TV upstairs. The rest of the night I was lost in memories of driving into Vancouver with Len and all the laughter that would ensue, standing in dark bars completely enveloped in sound almost floating between the notes, me and B gussying up for a night on the town. Everything else in life then was inconsequential, just a hoop to jump through to get to the next exciting thing.

Now I just sit. Distracting myself. I gotta find that inner joy again.