Thursday, July 7, 2005

Am I A Bitch?

I had a bit of a bad day today. Well, actually it was mixed but then again I tend to feel those the most. My parents were going to head out today to take a road trip to the Calgary Stampede. Unfortunately, what happened the last time my father was promised money happened again and now all plans are off.

I was really looking forward to having a week without anyone to bug me about weight and such. Plus, I'm tired of waking up to the sound of screaming children. I feel bad speaking of the kids because their family life isn't the most stable and their mom has been gone for a couple weeks and no one knows when she'll be back. But then on the other hand, I'm not used to having rowdy kids in my house all the time. Am I a bitch for wanting them to sort out their own issues and deal with it themselves?

I was also going through a nesting phase. I've been wanting to move out for years now, but never made enough money to be able to do so. That feeling was in my heart so strongly today. I wondered if I should quit school (after this semester) to find work and pay down my debt as much as I can. Is it irresponsible of me to be going to school (which only adds to what the amount of money I need per month) when I could be putting the majority of what I earn towards my bills?

I have a fear of job hunting, though. I've posted and dropped off so many resumes in the past and never had a call back except for starbucks, but that was in 1996 when I started looking after graduation. I'm looking for something 9-5, something routine, something where I don't have to dig hypodermic needles out of the toilet.

My parents tell me that I'm just getting antsy-pantsy from being in school so long and that they will pay off my debt when they are able to. I am more than appreciative of this, but I wonder how long it'll take? My family's never been lucky with money or promises and I wonder if what's happening now will actually work out.

I don't know what to do. I know the logical thing would be to take responsibility, find a job and pay down my debt. I just don't know if there's any real work out here.

I've thought of selling tshirts with witty comments on them. I've also thought of making and selling beaded jewelry like "i like beads" and others that I've found on eBay. I think the tshirts would be the easiest out of the two to accomplish. Would they sell? I'm not too sure. To be all interactive and such, post something funny/witty/etc that you'd like to see on a tshirt.


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