I've had an odd semester. The neighbor's wife so the 8 kids were almost always in our house and/or yard; we were promised a windfall which hasn't yet come; I had infections in my ears, upper and lower sinus as well as enjoying strep throat; I had horrible feelings of failure, thinking I should be farther (further?) in life than I am, etc... I'm amazed I didn't abandon the classes I was taking so I could hide under a rock. I did, however, abandon one class, Criminology 103. I found out forum discussions were worth 50% of my mark. I ended up forgetting to post most of the time and when I finally did remember, I didn't have much to say. I did the final for that class today, even though I'm almost guaranteed to fail.
I know the list of things that has happened this past few months is no excuse to shirk responsibility. But, sometimes I can get so overwhelmed that I can't concentrate for weeks on end. It feels like having the tv on just a touch too loud. You end up reading the same paragraph 5 times in a row because you can't concentrate hard enough to keep focused. Everything's foggy and either in slow-motion or too fast to get a hold of.
I have no idea why I feel this way, or why it lasts so long. Is it my desire to pay off my debts that's driving me crazy? Is it me wanting to start nesting even though I've yet to "fly the nest" [believe me, I'm ready to fly the coup over that one, if ya know what I mean ,o) ]
I'm going to take the summer to calm myself down and rejuvenate. Lots of stress relievers like treating myself to slushies, frappuccinos, and bubblegum ice cream. They say exercise is a great stress reducer, so Fishtrap Creek will be my second home. I think making some beaded jewelry will be healing for me, too since I can get lost in it for hours on end.
After I decided to kick myself in the butt and get a hold of myself (I was at school at the time), I came home and started tidying up. I figure if I can wrangle myself into good habits (tidy space, regular 'bed-times', better eating habits, etc...) that might be half the battle in getting back to my old self. I cleaned out one of my dressers (the other is for socks/undies/jammies so I didn't have to do anything there), along with a bunch of stuff that was just lying around. I'm amazed at all the free space now! I don't have much to go until I'm happy with it. Then I get to move on to the closet. I'm trying to get everything off the floor so I can wash it regularly with a water/vim oxy-gel (God that stuff smells great!) mix. I'm close. Three more piles of magazines and I can wash the floor without worrying about wetting something that shouldn't be wet.
I'm going to be designing some tshirts to sell via cafepress. I was going to buy some American Apparel shirts since they're the most comfy shirts I've worn, but I noticed that cafepress has expanded their brands to include AA. If I go through cafepress I won't have any start up costs, so that's definitely a help, plus people can buy any size instead of whatever I'm stocking at the moment. And as I've said in a recent post, I'll also be making jewelry which will be paypal-able (in case someone wants to do a bank transfer instead of paying by credit card). I might also throw on a few other things instead of going through ebay, but we'll see. I'm quite excited about this. I've already got a great design in the works. Now to just figure a name for the store and if I should host it at mew.nu, or buy a new domain when I have the cash? Hmm...
Thinking happy thoughts,